The Star Wars Rants:

[Kudos]

I posted this in the Prequel possibilities thread but on reflection thought it was worthy of it's own thread...

Originally Posted by Kudos

The re-edit of TPM was interesting, i had heard about them, but not in any great detail and reading the review of it was the origins of an Anti Prequels rant i had at work with a younger work mate, kind of like Tim Bisley in Spaced only less angry!!

We decided what we'd change about the Prequels and the first things were these...

First off we agreed with the Re-edit ideas of less JarJar, get rid of all his stupid prat falls and fart gags, and the use of alien language and subtitles for the Nemoidians and the Gungans so we could make what they say less GL. Beef them up a bit, make them less cringe worthy.

But we also decided we'd have kept Darth Maul around, instead of having ObiWan kill him at the end of
TPM we'd have had Obi maybe take his arm off and force push him down the shaft, so we could ring him back
in AOTC with a need for revenge. This would mean we could totally do with out the utterly crap and pointless Count Dooku
character and have one Sith apprentice (Maul) as a big bad all the way through the prequels and have Maul be the
one Anakin comes up against in ROTS. and could you imagine the end of AOTC with a showdown between Maul and Yoda!!!
How cool would that be??

Another thing we thought just didn't add up, was the age of Obi Wan, just how old is he supposed to be, apparently
he's 25 when we first meet him in TPM, AOTC is ten years later so he's 35, ROTS is three years after that, so he'd be 38 and the original films start 19 year after that, so that would make him not even 60 when he rescues Luke in ANH, and he sure
looked a lot older than that! So we'd make him older in TPM, maybe have him as the Jedi
and have the Qui Gon character Obi's young padawan and have him the one killed by Maul, that would give Obi a
diffferent reason for wanting to take on Anakin as an apprentice.

We would have made some more changes, jusat to make the whole thing less confusing and convoluted, Why is Padme a Queen?? And an elected Queen at that?? We would have made her a padawan just like Anakin, make it a students forbidden love kind of thing... Why does the start of TPM feel like we've come in the cinema twenty minutes late??

And the whole Jedi Attachment thing!! It made no sense at all!!
An order that does nothing to make sure it has a future is just stupid!!
Counting on stealing kids instead of having their own!!
How can you have a master/student relationship that lasts for years and not have any form of attachment ?? How can you not get involved??

This rant could go on and on, and it may well do, I haven't started in on General Grevious or Palpatine yet... but for now i'll stop...

I should just start my own thread for this...

Opinions? Ideas??

[Kudos]

Ok.. Rant part two.

Right, Tatooine!! Why the hell does Anakin have to be from Tatooine??
First off, that's the planet where the smart and wise Jedi take him to hide him from the Sith!! Right, good move, but now we find it's Vader's family home!! How stupid is that?? We need to hide this kid, lets stick him with the only family he's got, and lets not even change his name, nobody will figure that out... yeah, that's smart!!

You find Anakin on a different planet!! You make the family that takes him in just some sympathetic people who want to help...

Second make him a bit older, not some irritating kid, Lucas said he wanted to show an innocent kid become evil!! Well, he showed an irritating kid, become a snotty young adult, become well, basically a bit of a **** really. (sorry, best word i could come up with)

If luke is old enough to be trained at 21 why the hell is Anakin too old at 10?? Be consistent, if the lack of youth is the reason Anakin fell to the dark side, then what will stop Luke going the same way?? Thye grew up on the same planet, in similar circumstances...

We make Anakin mid teens, we pick a different planet to find him on and we shut up about being too old...We make him a real pilot, not the lucky kid in the muppet dodge car rally... And if anyone says Yippee, we shoot them!!

[Raven]

Very briefly, as I'm just off down ta pub, I would have made them consistent with the original trilogy!

Plot wise I think Lucas got it wrong structurally.

Given that you know what the situation is going to be at the end of the third film I would have put more twists in the plot.

I would have had Anakin start TPM as an adult (Luke's sort of age) and had him and Amidala get married at the end of the first film (the “happy” ending) with none of the "a Jedi cannot marry" crap.

The second film would have dealt with Anakin's fall and the rise of the Empire, finishing with Anakin becoming Vader (the “we’re in the shit now!” ending).

The third film would have been about the vanquishing of the Jedi (which I would have gone into in more detail) and the beginnings of the rebellion. At some point in this film I would have had Anakin showing some kind of sign that he wasn't beyond all hope - probably to Amidala - so that his redemption in Jedi isn't quite so sudden.

I’m not sure how I would wrap up the third film, but I probably wouldn’t have the twins being born, I would leave it that Amidala is pregnant and plans would have to be made to safe guard them for the future – which could actually give the film a slightly optimistic ending.

I will expand on this later but, as I said at the top, the pub beckons!

[fonz]

Ok, bear with me I'm drunk.

I wouldn't have bothered with Jango Fett. It seemed to me like he was included as a token gesture to all those Boba Fett fans who were annoyed at Boba Fett being a load of wasted potential and then getting killed off in ROTJ in a really crap and unimpressive manner.

So what then happens to Jango Fett? He becomes a load of wasted potential and then gets killed off in a really crap and unimpressive manner.

In fact George Lucas seems to have a habit of creating these really cool villains and then totally wasting them and disposing of them in the sh*ttest way he can possibly imagine (well, Boba Fett and Darth Maul anyway).

[smoth]

Firstly....i agree with pretty much everything in there...especially the Maul stuff...Killing him off was a stupid thing to do. Lucas was obviously hoping that Dooku or Grevious would eclipse him, but was sadly mistaken..

As to my own changes...honestly...can't it just be re-written...in entirety?

Most of the prequels is just either rubbish or nonsense...Midichlorians indeed!!....
And exactly how many Master/Pupil chops and changes do 3 films really need?...I watch them back now, and am still confused at times as to who's master of who, why so and so is on what side..blah blah..

See...it wasn't like this with the original trilogy..

And i accept that they are meant to be made for young folk...but come on Lucas... a massive fanbase...loyal to the core...who put up with so much money grabbing from yourself....And what did you give them?...

Pish...thats what..

*...I'll have more of a think on it tomorrow...and get some more thoughts up..*

I have to agree with everything posted so far and as for the midichlorians did anyone else find themselves thinking of the public information programmes from the simpsons with troy mclure and billy?

[fonz]

Originally Posted by Raven

The third film would have been about the vanquishing of the Jedi (which I would have gone into in more detail)

Yeah, the "vanquishing" of the Jedi that we got in the prequels was a bit crap wasn't it. I thought Anankin was supposed to hunt down and destroy the Jedi himself.

No, instead the mighty Jedi are defeated by a bunch of Clone Troopers (who normally couldn't hit a barn door from about five-yards away), and Anakin (the most powerful being in the universe) marches into the Jedi temple and...............murders a handful of kids.

B*llocks.

[Kudos]

Rant three!!!

The opening of ROTS makes little sense, we arrive once again feeling like we missed the first twenty minutes... What?? The chancellors been kidnapped?? Oh, look Dooku's dead!! Does that mean Anakin's evil now??

And as for the big battle, i read somewhere it was originally going to be a series of shots of different planets with different battles, to show the Clone wars raging across the galaxy... i'd have kept that...

What is the point of General Grevious?? The only useful plot service he did was help separate Obi Wan and Anakin, this is it, we are told he's a brilliant strategist, and we get to see he has many lightsabers on his belt, taken from the Jedi he's defeated, then he runs away...

So we send out hero Obi Wan off to hunt him down and what does he do??This big evil bad droid man?? He tells his guards to kill Obi Wan, real tough guy...
He only takes on Obi Wan when his guards are defeated, the he comes on with four, count 'em four lightsabers a twirling, and within a minute, he's lost two hands... Pathetic. then Obi Force blasts him and what does he do?? Yup! He's scarpers... Not really the big bad we expected...

If you want a strategist, have one, if you want a big bad, have one, but don't just say that's what they are, show us... this is another reason i would have saved Maul, he was a visible threat, he felt like a threat, and he looked like a threat. Not have the duty split between two rather ineffectual cut out bad guys, Dooku was pointless, Grevious was crap. Darth Maul's your man...

Have him the reason Anakin and Obi are split up, make it a wild goose chase, have Obi Wan chasing off looking here and ther for the evil Sith, all the while Maul is stalking Anakin, and hav it Maul who took Anakins arm off in AOTC, have Anakin want revenge... use all these emotions that the Jedi are so against... Make Anakin loose his temper, make Anakin go to the dark side to beat the man that bested him, the man he fears, the man he's hunted... The man who's hunted him....

[Kudos]

Ok, let me bring up the Jedi, the ghosts that guide Luke down his path that told of a grand tradition... Oh, hang on, how did they become ghosts??
In the prequels Jedi can't do this... But in the Originals all the dead Jedi we see can do it, even the evil turned to the dark side ones...

How is this?? If you are going to do a back story you make it add up, what referene to the ghostly incarnation do we get?? One word from Qui Gon in AOTC and a slightly screwed up frown from Yoda... and a throw away line in ROTS, come on, the ability of a Jedi to transend death is a big thing, and all we get is a line!! Let down?? Us??

You make it a thing Jedi can do, all Jedi, if they choose, imagine how useful Jedi Ghosts would be?? The regular Jedi can have then as spies, The dead Jedi go on serving the order after death...

If you don't make it an ability Jedi have, if it's some thing the Yoda and Obi Wan have to learn, and learn off screen at that, and from a dead Qui Gon, well this begs one question... How the hell can Vader/Anakin do it??

If you are going to make something like this, something that people have grown up with, films that people know inside out, it has to be internally consistent, you don't want your audience going "Hang on...." in the middle of act two...

[speedingslug]

I'll try to write more later but this one thing - Jar Jar Binks was a commercial character who destroyed the credibility of the story, I hate him. :evil: