Suicide (and Depression)

[runalong]

The annoying thing about depression (well one of them) is its never 100% of the way cured always occasionally working

We all slip even when we've done well for ages. Sometimes life seems to knock you on purpose and it's easy to fall back on in my case a bad episode at the start of the year wiped out weight loss. But it sounds like yOure now gaining loads of self-awareness and perhaps now starting to see the triggers that affect you so if you really have made a mistake then see it as a lesson not to repeat

You're not alone and good luck

[edchigliak]

Thanks Space Cadet and Runalong

[peanut]

One of the most usefull things CBT did for me was help me recognise that I'm slipping early so I can try to act before the depression takes hold. It doesn't always work I've found myself curled up in a ball on the floor in tears over something really trivial wondering how I got to that point. But when I've looked back the signs were all there. Learn how to manage your depression and do not beat yourself when it takes control. The key for me was recognising this is an illness. I dont blame myself if my asthma gets worse so why should I blame myself if my depression does.

For me the SAD seems to have kicked in early probably because of the lack of summer this summer. So I've been in near hibernation for the last month going to work and the occasional social thing but moslty just not being my usual self. So I'm back on the St Johns Wort and trying to drag myself out for 30 minute walks during daylight every day. I'm starting to feel brighter and I'm trying to drag myself out to my usual evening activities this week.

[Secretsquirrel]

One of the things I'm finding is that I'm getting just pissed off at things that happen a week ago, and had made steps to let the incidents go, get a good mindset about it, and then one day your feelings just decide to scream out at you. Also my O T had failed to let me know of his cancellation last month, I got a letter making a further appointment, that's how I knew, now I.want to tell him to get lost. Also the culprit who was responsible for last weeks incident, I swear as I was chatting to someone they were chatting with (mutual acquaintance) till he said hello, the culprit smirked at me as if to rub it in, as I chatted to our mutual acquaintance! Plus I'm dreading Christmas because I'm fairly sure the government will spring another nasty surprise on us all. Plus brother in laws heavy booming accusations, and cross counter ones from my sister, coupled with his ever increasing selfishness, disappearing, leaving everything to someone else, or demanding to know what present you got him, etc. Will I be able to stop my self from shoving his face in the tv, before it's over? Winter blues eh? I feel it's that ontop of depression I'm trying to manage. I know when I'm going down, when the hypersensitivity gets going. I might even play weird Al's the night Santa went crazy as that is how I'm feeling!

[runalong]

Not as bad as some years have been but have noticed last month i've slowed right down on reading and watching shows again - need some light!! Not helped by trains going bokers and at 7.30 not in mood for outside

but not long until nights get lighter! We can hold on!

[kevinj]

I feel like I will be killing myself on Monday.
I just don't feel like dealing ay more with the scum at the Jobcentre who seem to take pleasure in inventing new reasons to tell me I don't deserve to live, it seems like every fortnight if I am unlucky I get the sort of person who takes a perverse delight in explaining how, despite constantly looking for work, I can never do enough to satisfy them. And there is nothing I can do, I know that this week or next month they will enjoy cancelling the only money I have to buy food just because they can, even if I complain again I know the complaints manager will simply deny it is possible for these scum to make a mistake so I must be lying in order to avoid work, despite being 3rd in command of a charity store, performing heavy lifting weekly, and helping with the accounts I am apparently too lazy to deserve life. There is literally no point to life if this abuse is never going to stop.

[runalong]

Kevin don't these people win - no one is worthless.

You need to contact your Dr or a group like the Samaritans now. Tell them everything that has been going on and how you're feeling. This would puts a strain on anyone and it's nothing to be ashamed of that it's brought you low. Talk to your family - they would be the ones hurt most if you were gone. As you've said despite this you've managed to support a charity a place that I think has helped you a lot.

There is not much else I can say but Hugs and please just don't them win.

[Australis]

Sometimes, Kevin, you just need to hold on a little longer than them, and they give up. They'll see you're doing the right thing and let it go.

I'm not sure how JobCentres work - do you have to go to the same one? Can you transfer to another one? Down Here, I have 2 of the equivalent I could go to if I needed to, Is there one in the same area? The same town? Next town over? There has to be a way.

As runalong said, don't let them win. To which I add, you're better than them. You'll always be better than them.

Just remember, you only have to go to the JobCentre - they work there. They can never leave.

[kevinj]

After a sleepless night with stress and working out whether to slit my wrists or jump into a busy road I went in and got assigned to a different person who glanced over my stuff got me to sign and that was it, how can two people in the same organisation be so different.
Sorry if i disturbed anybody but i feel ok now.

[Space Cadet]

That's fantastic, isn't it? Sometimes you just have to hang in there and not look down... Well done! It must feel like the sun came out!