Suicide (and Depression)

[igniz13]

Last time I felt like that, I was worried about who'd get my stuff after I was gone. All my things would get sold off cos no-one would want them, I was proud of my collection, no-way I'd have them just sold off or uncared for. So I ended up running away from my troubles (with my stuff in tow).

I found help eventually, things worked out (so far, not convinvecd), though I eventually ended up selling most of my stuff (yes I still had it) to help cover debts. Things aren't great now, but much of that is my fault. I could've done more with life and could do more, maybe I'll get the chance to. Maybe i'll be googling Amitriptyline Cocktail in a few weeks, though I'd more likely at least go after the PM or some other douche canoe first (may be a joke).

I don't think killing yourself is the best option, however un-fun other options may be, they make lead to better alternatives.

[Happy-Hangman]

Can't do anything, Zen, than to refer you to the past few comments.

You are talking to people you know have chosen to give a damn about yourself and others in the same position. That means explaining yourself to someone matters. If explanation is necessary then surely that must, logically speaking, mean that you matter.

Suicide isn't the answer. In a sense it is avoiding the question.

[Stumpy]

Originally Posted by zenseeker

Things are getting beyond tolerable and I've decided that I will in all likelihood take my own life. My last attempt was a miserable failure, the fact that I am typing this confirms that. But I've researched a lot and come up with the Amitriptyline Cocktail as the best solution. I'm not looking for people to talk me out of it, no-one can, but I wanted to leave some kind of full stop.

For the love of all the god in every pantheon that ever existed.... DONT DO THAT!

We are here to listen. So are a lot of other people. Breathing Space, The Samaritans. Talk to them.

They really helped me. They pulled me back from the brink, and believe me, things are NOT good for me right now.

Stay with us. We are here to help you get through this. I promise. If you message me I'll even give you my home and mobile number and you can chat to me. Just dont do that.

[Space Cadet]

Don't do it zen. Not today.

People here don't want you to, and we've not even met you.

So the people you know in real life don't want you to leave them either!

Are you saying that there is not one single thing you don't enjoy on some level? And if there is, is there not another? Then another? They may be small things but hang on to them.

And do you really want to destroy the lives of others around you? Whoever finds your lifeless body? Would they be male or female? Maybe a child? Is that what you want?

I'm NOT telling you to pull yourself together... that's a fatuous thing to say... I'm just saying don't do it.

[Australis]

The thought has crossed my mind a few times. Sometimes I'm just so tired. Sometimes I can't be bothered.

Two things have pulled me back.

One. I couldn't do that to the people I love and who love me. You see them on the news all the time - "We didn't know. Why didn't he/she tell us? We should have known. I feel so guilty. I'm hurt, so hurt the couldn't come to me. What did I do wrong?" And so on. The suspicion that it's all their fault. You and I know it isn't really, but when you're on the other side of the fence, and I have been, you wonder what did you miss... and will you miss it again, with someone else?

Two. There will be something better around the corner. It may not seem so, but there will be. If I'd done it years ago, when I thought I would, I'd have missed my kids, which, despite the bittersweet nature of child-rearing, have been glorious, missed some really good moments with my parents, some fantastic sights in my travels and am, even as we speak, on the cusp of Big Things, things that can take me to another level, and I just have to keep my focus and my nerve just a little longer, just a little longer. Hell, I would have missed Discworld! It's worth all the sh*t just for that.

Don't go, mate. There will be better things ahead. We can find better things. My inbox is open.

Take care. You are liked and respected.here. We'll find a way.

[staticgirl]

I hope you haven't done it Zen. It's a really aggressive act that causes huge pain for lots of people and you are far better than that. Talk to someone who can help. Just stay alive for other people and one day hopefully you'll be able to stay alive for yourself too.

[kevinj]

Don't Do it a few years ago I was within a few Hours of killing myself, all it would have taken was one minor bad thing to have happened that day and I wouldn't be here today, I had only to decide between jumping into traffic, keep walking until i collapsed dead or slitting my wrists, and I had a knife ready and knew how to cut to make it effective, I'm not really sure what stopped me but that feeling of pure unadulterated despair, the feeling that nothing can ever be right, that nothing good will ever happen, it goes away and once it does just the memory of that level of depression serves to show me that now whenever I feel nothing is going right I compare it to that and I know that it is true that things can be worse, I know that my problems are minor compared to others and I will almost certainly never think about suicide with the intention of following through again.
If you read this you made it through another day, tomorrow you made it through another day, and eventually you will stop thinking I made it through today alive and on that day you will smile and think about what you will do next week or next month because you know that you are yourself and ok with it.

[Richard L]

The main problem with suicide is that oblivion is the ultimate horror.

Try and do something that makes your life more enjoyable, or do things for someone else who is suffering. If you can't be happy it doesn't mean your life is without meaning. Certainly it beats the alternative.

[count_libido]

As a relaxation technique, is anyone aware of ASMR? Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR) is a physical sensation characterized by a pleasurable tingling that typically begins in the head and scalp and travels down the spine. (www.asmr-research.org/)

I've recently discovered this and it works wonders for me. Triggers for me include the sounds of glass marbles, cutting paper and nails tapping. You might also be aware of Bob Ross and The Joy of Painting as his restful soothing voice is great at chilling me out.

If you want to see if ASMR, you can type it into YouTube or try exploring http://www.soothetube.com/2011/03/25...laxing-videos/ and see if you can find something that works for you

[Australis]

On a slightly more positive note.

I go to another forum, and there's an especially... robust subforum, where posters pretty much rip the tar out of one another. In the past this was great for debate of any kind, political, religious, didn't matter. And it was fun when some particularly fatuous idiot stuck their head up and said something that drew in general laughter, sarcasm and even loathing. But in the last 2 years it's become about the 'cool kids', and I would have thought on this board that having endured high school as geeks, they'd be past that, but noooo. I used to berate them and tell them that they should be better people, because I strongly feel it is incumbent upon us to become better people every day. You would have thought I'd shot their grandmothers. And in the same subforum is a thread saying about how good it is to be a brony (if you don't know, don't ask. Really. Don't).

So there's a new poster, a young woman who says silly things but is essentially harmless. Boy, did they rip her a new one! I couldn't see why, and defended her. I copped a shellacking then. In the meantime, she's sent a friend request on FB which is fine, though as I said to her, I don't do that for everyone. In the meantime, one poster entered a post saying that me telling people to be better was "lazy mental masturbation", that I was nice to her to get into her pants and a couple of other things. Now, she literally lives half a world away and the same age as my kids, and she's now pregnant, she's having a bad time. Never gonna happen. So I told him EXACTLY what I thought of him, and salty language, with italics to giver just the right amount of emphasis. Yeah, that was waaaaayyy too satisfying. I then opted out of that subforum and won't go back. It's become toxic.

Meantime, Sunday afternoon my time, I'm talking with her on FB, in the middle of doing stuff, and... I'm old, it didn't register what she meant when she said she had "a bellyful of oxy", because it's not sold over here. She was very down on life and I kept telling her how great it was and there was always good stuff ahead, especially a child. Meantime a friend's logged in, seen the chatter, and gone "Holy crap!!" and high-tailed it over to her house because he lived close by, and got her to throw up. He told me later she's susceptible to severe depression, and it was a very lucky thing for her I'd been there and talking to her. And yes, her attempt was exacerbated by the subforum.

So I'm pretty angry about that, but hell with it, I won't go back, much as I'd like to tell them what they nearly caused to happen, they'd sneer and fleer and say it was all made up. Hell with them. Let them sink into their own toxic sludge.

Sorry, had to vent. I've been angry about this for a few days now. Lucky. Lucky all round.