Suicide (and Depression)

[nin_o_negative]

Originally Posted by adam.creighton

I've been getting those since grandad died last year, sometimes its one of my family, sometimes its one of you guys.

When my Grandad died in 2005, I never really dealt with it at the time. Then about a year later I kinda went a bit loopy and ended up bursting into tears and crying for several hours. A few months after that, when I hadn't even been thinking about it I had a dream. I can barely remember it now. My Grandad had come back to life and we were talking to each other. It was nice but also at the same time it was... possibly the most upsetting and disturbing thing I've ever experienced because it felt so very real. The dream ended when I went to hug him and for a brief second I can recall that I could actually feel physical contact but at the very same moment I woke up.

I'm lucky though, I never dreamed about anyone else dying thankfully. If I ever do dream of death, it's about my own.

[Nemain]

The other night I had a very disturbing dream about an invasion, like War of the Worlds but it didn't involve aliens. It was like 1000 years in the future and we'd colonised other planets and then someone decided to invade this one. I was running through the streets, other people running with me or running away or just going crazy with fear. There was gunfire and explosions. I remember running past people who were on fire, but they weren't in pain or running. They were just in shock, which kinda made it worse. There's a vivid image I have of a man just walking past in shock, and his eyes are just gone. Theres just two charred black holes in his face where they should have been. And just past him there's a man on fire standing on the shoulders of three guys, and he's preaching while he's burning and the guy he's standing on catches fire but he doesn't notice. Then I'm running through the streets again and I get to a car and suddenly I'm with some other people. There are two others urging us into the car, and then the perspective changes to a kind of movie style. I'm watching as I drive off with the others in the car, while the two people wave us off. Then I see a tray, a wooden tray on a wire just slide down it and it bangs against another car. I watch the car explode and I see the people left behind actually vaporise.

After that I'm someone else, but still in the warzone, and theres this dog, this big red and white dog, pointy snout and ears and very furry. I click my fingers and he comes over, and I get on his back and he carries me out of the city, straight into the countryside. There are other animals who join us, mostly dogs, and some of them have other people riding them, and as me and the dog go on I see a whole group of people riding animals, and I know they want me to join them. The dog growls at them, because they've circled us, and he runs straight at a gap and jumps over a cliff. The last image I got before I woke up is of this rocky lake coming up to meet us.

And apparently I talk in my sleep.

And hugs for all, I loves ya hugely.xxxx

[staticgirl]

What a horrible dream! That's the sort of dream I have sometimes. To me it suggests I am very stressed and looking for escape but not sure whether escapism will really deal with it.

A couple of weeks ago I had a run of really violent dreams. In one of them I was a cannibal! The 'best' one was where I was an iron-age chieftain about to face the Romans in battle. I was trying to convince the other chieftains to lure the Romans in to the mountains and commence guerrilla warfare 'like I heard it was done in Caledonia' but they wanted a traditional Celtic battle in terms of a mad rush and one to one duels. Unfortunately I knew the Romans had their own ideas and would annihilate us in a set piece. I woke up as I was facing them across the battlefield knowing i was going to die. Brrrr. You can tell I've read a lot of history books can't you.

JJ- that idea about dreams is a good one. I get these upsetting dreams about shouting at my mum and being really angry with her. It's kinda comforting to think of it as not being her but as aspect of myself.

In other news I have jury service next week. My fingers are crossed that I don't have to listen to anything particularly horrible. On the bright side, it's in St Albans which is lovely! I've been very nervous about it and sleeping badly so will be glad to get it over and done with.

[Rachel]

StaticGirl - I had jury service last year, but the trials kept collapsing so I didn't get to hear any cases. I had to go back to work every other day, and the other days I spent the morning sitting in the jury room, reading, before they released me to spend the afternoon shopping!

Take a good book. Actually, if you read quickly, take two books.

[Paulky]

I've done jury service twice, once at the Old Bailey. Some of the most boring weeks of my life. Take some very good books and be prepared to wait a lot. You have my sympathy.

[Moloch]

I normally dream about falling, for some reason.

Good luck with the jury service, I quite enjoyed mine the two times I've done it.

[Pope Gordy]

Thank you to everyone who was asking about me. I'm sorry if me staying away brought on a case of the worries or anything like that for anyone.

Update-wise, well... on top of everything I had to endure last year the new year had started with a cousin coming down with Bells Palsy, two of the few friends who still live locally getting ready to move to other countries and they've started laying off a lot of people at work. Been told my job is on the line too and could be called in at any time to be given my marching orders.

So I feel completely detached from everything. I'm so, so tired of bad things happening constantly. I can't remember the last time something good happened in my life. Whenever I try to rebuild my life something comes along to smash it to pieces again. It's just so draining.

[Tgirl]

Massive HUGS for Gordy!

[count_libido]

*hugs for Gordy too*

You know what you need? A pitcher of something colourful and alcoholic in the Howard pub! :wink:

[Paulky]

Big man-hugs for the mighty pontiff.