PG • 83 mins • 8 April

Director: James Wong

Cast: Justin Chatwin, Chow Yun-Fat, Emmy Rossum, Joon Park, James Marsters, Jamie Chung

Rating:

How bad is Dragonball: Evolution? Put it this way: it’s a fantasy film that makes you miss John Malkovich’s legendarily awful turns in Eragon and The Mutant Chronicles. The odd thing is that, as bilge goes, Dragonball: Evolution is technically better than those stinkers; it’s just dull, dumb and depressing.

Like last year’s Speed Racer, Dragonball: Evolution is based on a kids’ anime-manga franchise that never got big in Britain, except among the import-savvy cognoscenti. It’s martial arts fare, though the film transfers the action to America. The protagonist is schoolboy Son Goku (which is the Japanese name for Monkey, the Chinese trickster). He’s played by Justin Chatwin, who was Tom Cruise’s disposable son in War Of The Worlds. Son Goku is being trained up in cool fighting moves by his granddad, who’s not long for the film. The story has supernatural badasses, Earth-shaking eclipses, seven magic “Dragonballs” for Son Goku to collect, and teachers and helpers to pick up along the way. In other words, it’s all fantasy blah.

The stumblebum story sometimes stops dead for long periods, the younger players ward off charisma like a disease, and their dialogue deserves an Asbo. Some of the fights do look good – there’s a smart bit where the hero is befuddled by the sight of his girlfriend fighting her double – but they’re certainly not worth the price of admission. As for the real performers, Hong Kong action vet Chow Yun-Fat gurns in a Hawaiian shirt, while a scowly James Marsters (as the villainous Piccolo) resembles a classic Trek alien on steroids. On the upside, neither of the pair does a Malkovich and they don’t have long to suffer: the film runs barely 80 minutes. What a relief.

Andrew Osmond