Love Bite REVIEW

Love Bite film review: Who knew losing your virginity could be this tiresome?

Let's hope he likes hairy girls.

Release Date: 9 November 2012
15 | 90 minutes
Distributor: Newmarket Films
Director: Andy De Emmony
Cast: Ed Speleers, Jessica Szohr, Luke Pasqualino, Timothy Spall

Just when you thought we’d digested the final slice of Boys-Losing-Virginity funnies, along comes Love Bite, a gross-out comedy that hopes to keep your attention by adding cherry-popping werewolves. And, for some reason, Timothy Spall. The end result is familiar to us all: awkward, sweaty, fumbled and disappointing. Though, as with any sexual encounter, the presence of Timothy Spall does help (Er… speak for yourself – Reviews Ed).

Four lads from the seaside town of Rainmouth are so desperate to have sex that it’s all we need to know about their characters. If we’re doing it in Inbetweeners terms – which writers Cris Cole and Ronan Blaney seem to be – we’ve got three Jays and the hero, Jamie (Ed Speleers). Jamie is different; he’s soft and cheekboned and wistful because he’s the hero, and we have to care about him, because of plot. He falls in love with the mysterious Julianna (Jessica Szohr), but she might be a werewolf, because of plot. Is there a reason these dastardly creatures only eat virgins? Will the hilarious fat girl say lots of words that mean vagina? Does Timothy Spall owe someone’s Dad a favour?

The problem with Love Bite’s slap-dash nonsense is that – as with any comedy – if you’re throwing out story, pacing, character and visuals, the results better be funny. Love Bite is not. The able cast struggle endlessly with a script packed with tired clichés. With a crudeness that feels forced rather than gleeful, it’s a cinematic frisson definitely not worth holding out for.

Natasha Hodgson

Read our feature on the top ten werewolves in movies and TV.
Read more of our film reviews.