"I've got a banana and two plums under here as well."

Release Date: 7 May 2012
2010 | 15 | 111 minutes | £12.99 (DVD)/£14.99 (Blu-ray)
Distributor: Arrow Films
Director: Benedek Fliegauf
Cast: Eva Green, Matt Smith, Lesley Manville, Peter Wight

We suspect many of you are only reading this review because you’re Matt Smith fans, so let’s start by summarising what the Eleventh Doctor gets up to in this pensive sci-fi drama (shot before he was cast in Who): he is “a simple cockroach breeder”; he shows his bum off, wading naked into the sea; he kicks a football; he drops the F-bomb (once); he humps Eva Green; he has a Doctor-ish speech about the infinite variety of nature. He’s also the best thing about this cold, portentous and maddeningly taciturn film.

Skip this paragraph if you abhor plot details, because it’s probably necessary to describe events that occur after the half-hour mark. Rebecca (Green) returns to visit childhood boyfriend Thomas (Smith) after years apart. They immediately fall in love again, but Thomas is then killed in a car accident. This being a film set in a strange indeterminate place and time, she has herself impregnated with a clone of her dead lover, who grows up to be, well, Matt Smith. Ickiness ensues.

There’s a foetus of a great idea here, but the being it grows into is an unappealing one. Hungarian director Benedek Fliegauf, whose cat perhaps died shortly before production started, appears unwilling or incapable of making his mournful project bloom into a satisfactory drama. The pace is glacial and the sparse dialogue ensures that you never understand Green’s character. As a character barks at her in exasperation at one point, “Aren’t you going to say anything?!” Quite.


A Making Of (22 minutes) and a trailer.

Russell Lewin

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