Immortals DVD REVIEW

Won’t live forever in the memory

Heny Cavill clearly has anger management issues as Theseus in Immortals.

"Psst! What idiot showed Henry the SFX review?" "Shush. Just keep staring forward and maybe he won't stab us."

Release Date: 5 March 2012
2011 * 15 * 106 minutes * £19.99 (DVD)/£26.99 (Triple Play Blu-ray)/£29.99 (3D Blu-ray)
Distributor: Universal Pictures
Director: Tarsem Singh
Cast: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Freida Pinto, John Hurt, Stephen Dorff

If there’s one thing Immortals gets right, it’s the headgear. Multi-spiked golden crowns, enormous iron bulls, triple-tiered red lampshades… it’s a carnival of hats. Mickey Rourke wears one that looks like a sarlacc pit attached to a lobster claw. It’s magnificent.

Unfortunately, fine millinery does not a great film make. Tarsem Singh’s joyless re-sculpting of Greek mythology tells the tale of Theseus’s attempts to unite his people against the murderous King Hyperion. He must also find the Epirus Bow, a super-weapon that will prevent Hyperion from unleashing the Immortals, a crew of evil mega-beings imprisoned by Zeus for being insufferable bastards.

Immortals has a number of problems: Theseus is an anonymous presence, Henry Cavill providing little more than an oiled torso; the whole thing looks cheap, the 300-style CG feeling tacky and under-cooked; everyone mumbles their dialogue, and the Gods look like they’ve walked off the set of a Xena: Warrior Princess porn parody.

Yes, there’s some mildly diverting action and a lingering shot of Freida Pinto’s lovely bum*, but even lovely bums must occasionally take a horrendous dump, and that’s what Immortals is. Great hats, though.

Extras:

The DVD (rated) has featurette “It’s No Myth”, eight deleted scenes and two alternate endings – one is a marginal improvement, but really only puts a slightly prettier bow on an empty box. The Triple Play Blu-ray (with digital copy and DVD) adds four-part Making Of “Carravaggio Fight Club” and a taster of graphic novel anthology Gods And Heroes.