Immortals DVD REVIEW
Won’t live forever in the memory
"Psst! What idiot showed Henry the SFX review?" "Shush. Just keep staring forward and maybe he won't stab us."
Release Date: 5 March 2012
2011 * 15 * 106 minutes * £19.99 (DVD)/£26.99 (Triple Play Blu-ray)/£29.99 (3D Blu-ray)
Distributor: Universal Pictures
Director: Tarsem Singh
Cast: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Freida Pinto, John Hurt, Stephen Dorff
If there’s one thing Immortals gets right, it’s the headgear. Multi-spiked golden crowns, enormous iron bulls, triple-tiered red lampshades… it’s a carnival of hats. Mickey Rourke wears one that looks like a sarlacc pit attached to a lobster claw. It’s magnificent.
Unfortunately, fine millinery does not a great film make. Tarsem Singh’s joyless re-sculpting of Greek mythology tells the tale of Theseus’s attempts to unite his people against the murderous King Hyperion. He must also find the Epirus Bow, a super-weapon that will prevent Hyperion from unleashing the Immortals, a crew of evil mega-beings imprisoned by Zeus for being insufferable bastards.
Immortals has a number of problems: Theseus is an anonymous presence, Henry Cavill providing little more than an oiled torso; the whole thing looks cheap, the 300-style CG feeling tacky and under-cooked; everyone mumbles their dialogue, and the Gods look like they’ve walked off the set of a Xena: Warrior Princess porn parody.
Yes, there’s some mildly diverting action and a lingering shot of Freida Pinto’s lovely bum*, but even lovely bums must occasionally take a horrendous dump, and that’s what Immortals is. Great hats, though.
The DVD (rated) has featurette “It’s No Myth”, eight deleted scenes and two alternate endings – one is a marginal improvement, but really only puts a slightly prettier bow on an empty box. The Triple Play Blu-ray (with digital copy and DVD) adds four-part Making Of “Carravaggio Fight Club” and a taster of graphic novel anthology Gods And Heroes.
* Ladies, take note: there’s plenty of oily man-baps too.
For an alternative perspective, read our review of Immortals from the theatrical release.
Read more of our DVD reviews.