BLOGBUSTERS Superpowers Of Desire

What superpowers would the members of the SFX blogging team like to have? Alasdair Stuart moderates

Welcome back to Blogbusters, where every week the Blogging League of Bloggers answer the call to do great justice to the internet. Or answer a question pertinent to that particular week’s geek news, y’know, whichever you’d prefer. This week, our question is:

With Misfits back on our screens, what power would you want and why?

So without further ado, and because if we hang around too long, Prince will do the soundtrack, it’s time to take action. For justice! For geekdom! Quickly, to the Answermobile!

Stacey Whittle: I have given this a lot of very serious thought. I mean Lottery-winning level of thought. You know what I mean surely? If I won a couple of million today, would I really move my child out of her beloved school just as she was about to sit her SATS or move her to a private school when the Comp we’ve chosen for her has received an “outstanding” certificate from Ofsted for two years in a row? Yes, I’ve given this a lot of mundane, real-life level of thought, of how powers would affect me and my children and our day-to-day life. And you know what, it’s quite an equaliser and cheering thing to do because only when you think of radical changes occurring in your life do you really appreciate the bits you really like and want to preserve.

The power that I wish for the most on an almost daily basis is teleportation. Gosh, my life would be so much easier if I could instantly just be in the places I need to be. But then I think about what adventures the actual travelling around the country has been. When I went to the very first SFX Event many years ago with my sister and we played Buffy Top Trumps, geeky hangman and played a game on how loud we dared shout “KHHAAAAAAAANNNNN!” on the train (in a Dick’n’Dom – “Bogeys!”-stylee!). Sitting with my lovely boy on a train to Hi Ex in Inverness in the evening and seeing the most beautiful snow-covered landscape I have ever seen. Man, I wouldn’t swap that memory for the world. There remain the horrid frustrating trips where I’m late for work and my Metro has broken down because some blummin’ oink has twoked the copper cable again. But I think the fun ones outweigh the bad in a karmic scale, so I think a big fat no to teleportation.

Then the big ones like flying and telepathy and X-ray vision and super strength, and each time I think about possessing such powers I think about something Charlaine Harris wrote in one of her Sookie Stackhouse books, that if a government found out about you possessing a power they would use you and use you and never let you live your life as a normal person ever again. You would have no free will (I am paraphrasing) and man, where would the fun in that be?

So, after lots of thought and a little bit of angst to realise that my wish would be completely selfish and in no way benefit mankind in any way shape or form I would like the power of being able to eat anything I want – and I mean like entire chocolate cakes and fish and chips for breakfast – and never get fat. I know some people who have this power; I am entirely envious and want it for myself. I may be a bit worried about that karmic scale now.

Anyway, this question always reminds me of my favourite geek joke: Q: if you could have any superpower at all what would it be? A: America! Tee hee.
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Pigmonkey: I have been asked this one before, as I am a geek and friends with geeks, so I have probably put a lot more thought into this than the subject could possibly warrant. I have been through all the superpowers I could think of over the last 30 years, and for the longest time I have said that I would like the near terrifying ability to accelerate, decelerate, stop and reverse chemical reactions. Nearly everything we encounter – from the reaction in the brain, to gun powder – uses chemical reactions. It would be an incredibly versatile; I could quickly produce some high quality booze. That was a nice dream. But as I have gotten older I have found my desires have changed. Now I think I would like the ability to have whatever I need, or whoever I need, when ever it is needed. Like Batman’s utility belt, but with everything. I really do feel it would simplify my life.
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Lee Harris: I’d like the power to turn tomatoes blue. How cool would that be? Blue tomatoes!
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William Salmon; I’d be Baker Street Man. No, that doesn’t mean I’d be an ace detective. I’d just have the power to emit the saxophone solo from Gerry Rafferty’s pop hit from my mouth. I’d make a killing as a busker on the Underground.
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Kell Harker: Invisibility. Not only does having this superpower mean that I would have the freedom to always be naked, but additionally my morning grooming routine would be cut significantly shorter, giving me extra time to do more important things like saving kittens from burning buildings or thwarting bank robberies or BLAH BLAH BLAH… Did I mention I would always get to be naked?
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Laura McConnell: Well, I’ve never seen Misfits (don’t blame me, blame geography!), but Google is a wonderful thing, so I have a list here to chose from. Three powers jump out at me. One, immortality, because I’d like to have time to do everything I’d like in this life, and that would sure help. Two, teleportation, because I really like to travel and frankly sometimes I just really need to be alone for a while and that would come in handy. Three, healing, because I really would like to help everyone feel better. But when I give it some thought, immortality would get old (pun intended) and there’s no way I could heal everyone, which would just make me sad. So I’ll stick with teleportation. I live to travel, and I often miss my friends who are flung all over this orb, so that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
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Matt Risley: It’s tempting to go down the whole Wolverine/Mimic route of “wishing for a thousand wishes” and nabbing about seven at once as one superpowered Swiss army knife. But if we’re solely going on the basis of one lone superpower, I reckon it’d have to be teleportation. You could go on holiday to anywhere you want, whenever you want; you could zip in and out of bank vaults if you want to do the whole supervillain thang. And on a boring everyday practical level you can avoid rush hour, always nip to the shops when you’re too lazy to actually walk there and you’d never, ever be late again.

And the Friday night drunken walk home would be a doodle. That is, as long as you’re sober enough to teleport into the right bedroom.
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Steven Ellis: Oooh, that’s a really tough question. Hmm, actually no it isn’t… I know exactly what power I’d pick. I choose teleportation. Most of the other super powers seem to have some sort of draw back or seem to be a bit pointless to me.

Super strength? Wow, I don’t need a jack to change a car tyre and I can carry all the shopping home with no trouble…

Mind reading? Yay I can find out that what people really think of me. Probably a two-edged sword that one…

Flying? Yeah, great, the feel of the wind in my face, the freedom… but then a 747 flies by and scares the crap out of me and I fly into a thunder storm.

No, teleportation is the one for me. By having the ability to travel to anywhere instantaneously imagine what you could do, where you could go and still be back in your own bed at night. Sod saving the world – I’d set up a courier service (guaranteed same day delivery anywhere in the world) to fund my travels, and I’d have all my deliveries done in the first half hour of each day, then I’d spend the rest of the day travelling the world, visiting interesting places and going where ever I pleased. A mid-morning walk on the Great Wall Of China, followed by lunch in a little restaurant in Mexico City – easy. Shopping in Milan, no problem. Maybe take a friend for a quick mid-afternoon snowball fight in Antarctica. And then a night on the town in Vegas or a show on Broadway. Just imagine the days and nights out you could have…
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Alasdair Stuart: I’d have to back my learned colleagues who are advocating the wonders of teleportation, as it does sound like the funnest power ever. Aside, of course, from making blue tomatoes. Those two aside, I’d have to go with some form of photographic muscle memory. I rather like the idea of being able to replicate a move perfectly having seen it exactly once and, if we we’re talking about American sueprheroes here, that would come in very useful during any given fight scene. This being England however, I rather suspect it’d end up giving me the ability to either do the Dougie really, really well. I’m okay with that.

As dawn rises, the Blogbusters make their way back home, the City of Geekville defended for another night. Soon, the City will know us, soon the City will need us, if nothing else, to answer next week’s question, which is: