SFX Spurious Awards

Panic in V; pregnant collectables; ghoulish theatre audiences; Kubrick’s Iron Man; and loads more

LANCE CORPORAL JONES MOMENT OF THE WEEK

Anybody else have visions of Clive Dunn running around the set of Dad’s Army shouting, “Don’t panic! Don’t panic!” during this week’s episode of V when the suicide bomber revealed himself? It has to rate as the funniest moment of mass hysteria on TV for a long while, as at least six people actually ran towards the guy – like that’s the reflex reaction in that kind of situation – while everyone else seemed to be playing a game of “who can do the best headless chicken impression?” To be fair, V has definitely livened up this season and there is one other Spurious Award we’d like to give it, but as it’s a bit spoilery, only those of you who’ve seen the episode, or couldn’t give a damn, should click here

UNEXPECTED GUEST STAR OF THE WEEK

Message to the directors on new superhero caper, The Cape: if you’re going to spend lots of dosh on some swish aerial shots to use as stock footage, it’s probably best not the lest the sun get behind the helicopter.

INSURANCE PAY-OUT OF THE WEEK

We need the number of George’s insurance company in No Ordinary Family. He has all the equipment nicked from his lair in the garage. But no hassle. He’s covered: third party, fire and theft. But while the original lair looked like a ramshackle recording studio, somehow George manages to convince his insurers to fork out for mission control at Huston. Hell, if you want your TV set upgrading give Sucker & Gullible Assurance a call, then leave your front door open.

STRANGEST ITEM FOUND HANGING ON A WASHING LINE OF THE WEEK

The lassoing scene in last Saturday’s Primeval had to be a homage to The Valley Of Gwangi, surely? But the scene with the treecreeper leaping up the side of tower block looked more like a homage to ’60s Spider-Man cartoons.

MAGAZINE COVER OF THE WEEK/AMBULANCE CHASERS OF THE WEEK
The cover of the latest issue of The New Yorker magazine amused us here on SFX. It lampoons the whole Spider-Man Broadway stage show debacle, where various actors have been getting injured by the show’s complicated stunts on a regular basis. The most high profile calamity so far involved stunt actor Christopher Tierney, 32, falling 30 feet and suffering a hairline skull fracture, four broken ribs, a bruised lung, internal bleeding and cracked three vertebrae.

But the feature inside was even more of an eye-opener, revealing that there may be a rather macabre factor behind its box office success (last week, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark was the number one ticket seller on Broadway, surpassing the Wicked with $1,588,514 in sales). It’s certainly not the reviews, which have generally been very poor. “[Are] people paying to see calamity?” ponders the article’s writer Michael Schulman, before going on to explain that several theatregoers he spoke to said that they were going to previews of the $65 million show in the hope of seeing yet another accident take place.

TRIUMPH OVER ADVERSITY OF THE WEEK
Proving that some people can create genius even with the most limited of tools, here’s an oddly appealing version of the Doctor Who theme tune that a certain Chris Harwick has generated using Mario Paint. It’s undeniably better than the elastic-band twanging version the show used during the “Trial Of A Time Lord” series.

.

More Spurious Awards on the next page…

.