Doctor Who: The Awards

Space turkeys, in-jokes, mad paintings and timey-wimey stuff: it’s a Spurious Awards special covering all of season five of Doctor Who

TRICKIEST QUESTION YOUR KIDS COULD ASK YOU OF THE YEAR
“So, if I see a Weeping Angel now, should I keep my eyes open or closed?”

MOST BIZARRE TIME DILATION OF THE YEAR
When the Doctor ponders, “You can do loads in 12 minutes,” in “The Big Bang”, as well as suggesting, “Suck a mint, buy a sledge, have a fast bath…” he could have added, “Adapt a fleet of Spitfires so they can fly in space and shoot lasers,” (“Victory Of The Daleks”) or, “Build a sensor grid from scratch, including finding all the equipment necessary from around an entire village,” (“The Hungry Earth”). Unlikely as it may seem.

MOST BIZARRE WHATEVER-THE-OPPOSITE-OF-TIME-DILATION-IS OF THE YEAR
The script makes a really big point of the fact that Amy can only look at the crack for “a second” in “Flesh And Stone” but when she finally opened her peepers she was gawping at the thing for  bloody ages. Okay, us grown-ups can make excuses about poetic licence (“It must have felt like ages to her!”) but all the kids we knew were tutting and complaining and/or traumatised by the fact that she should be dead by now. That’s kid logic. Never underestimate it.

MOVIE REFERENCE OF THE YEAR
All the Star Wars references in “The Beast Below” (“Help us, Doctor. You’re our only hope”, a screenwipe between scenes, a trash compactor-esque moment, being trapped inside a giant space creature like in The Empire Strikes Back) just win out over “Broadsword to Danny Boy” in “Victory Of The Daleks” (a line from Where Eagles Dare), the The Thing-homaging Cyber-head crawling away and the Indiana Jones music in “The Pandorica Opens”.

UNEXPECTED CAMEOS OF THE YEAR
Mike Skinner from The Streets (in “The Time Of Angels”)  and Patrick Moore (in “The Eleventh Hour”) were both more welcome than Ann Widdecombe or Derek Acorah.

MOST SADLY UNDERUSED CHARACTER TRAIT OF THE YEAR
We loved the idea of the Doctor’s bizarre taste in food in “The Eleventh Hour”, but it wasn’t mentioned again until “The Lodger”.

MOST UNDERUSED CATCHPHRASE OF THE YEAR
Geronimo! Come on, if it’s going to be a punchline in your final episode, at least use it more than four times in a season! Anyway, “Bow ties are cool!” was a much better catchphrase (and you get the feeling it evolved organically rather than being chosen as a catchphrase).

WEIRD INTERIOR DECOR OF THE YEAR
That painting in Craig’s hall in “The Lodger” – the camera highlighted it so lovingly you thought it must have some significance. Did the director’s five-year-old son paint it?

MYSTERIOUS UNCANNILY RE-USED NUMBER OF THE YEAR
Strangely this isn’t 11 (though we did love the fact that in “The Lodger” the Doctor plays football in shirt 11, and “The Eleventh Hour” is a typically witty Moffat in-joke) but rather 12, which crops up rather a lot. Amy waits for the Doctor for 12 years in “The Eleventh Hour”, there are “a minimum 12,000 battleships” in “The Pandorica Opens” and the Doctor claims there is a lot you can do in 12 minutes in “The Big Bang”. Bet there are more references if you look for them… It’s all getting a bit like Lost, isn’t it?

OVER-FAMILIAR LOCATIONS OF THE YEAR
Hello again to the barely-redressed Temple Of Peace in Cardiff (the Silurian council chamber) and what are surely the corridors of the Millennium Stadium (River’s “storm cage” prison), both of which are beginning to feel a bit like New Who’s answer to gravel pits.