SFX Spurious Awards

Doctor Who in childcare shocker; Lost unifies a nation; Medium goes pig spotting; and tons more…

MASSED DARTH VADER IMPERSONATION OF THE WEEK
Yep, this goes to the finale of Lost. But not for any of its major revelations (there weren’t any), but for the UK broadcast which kicked off with a “We are experiencing technical difficulties” caption. Cue millions of bleary-eyed Lost fans country-wide doing an impression of Darth Vader at the end of Revenge Of The Sith: “Noooooooooooooo!” Luckily, it was worth getting up at 5am to watch it as the fault only lasted a few seconds. Or, to look at it another way, unluckily the fault was corrected and you had to sit through a show committing hari kari on screen. It was a bit like reading a Miss Marple book full of clues, but instead of her solving the crime at the end, she cops off with the butler and tries to convince you the book was a relationship story all along, not a whodunnit. This brilliant video sums up just a few of the many, many problems we had with the finale of Lost.

IRONY BYPASS OF THE WEEK
For the second week in a row this goes to Ghost Whisperer, for kicking off an episode with a ghost “kicking the bucket” – literally. It might be an in-joke, but the show is so po-faced you can almost guarantee the writers didn’t even realise what they were writing. Then again, maybe it was a subtle reference to the fact that this was the last ever episode of the dratted show, because…

BEST PRESS RELEASE OF THE WEEK
After the euphoria last week of hearing that NBC has axed Ghost Whisperer there was a worrying few days when it hung around like one of the spooks from the show, refusing to go into the light, and it looked like rival network ABC might pick it up. And then this was issued by the show’s production company: “After five wonderful seasons and over 100 episodes, we are disappointed to announce Ghost Whisperer will not be returning for a sixth season.  We’ve had an incredible experience and owe a debt of gratitude to everyone involved.  We continue our relationship with ABC Studios and look forward to developing many more successful projects together in the future.” Melinda is doubtlessly currently in floods of tears, helping the show to crossover.

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BEST ATTENTION TO DETAIL OF THE WEEK
The alternate world of Fringe’s finale episode (don’t worry we won’t get any more spoilery than that) is stuffed full of slightly skewiff in-jokes, and we don’t want to give away too many because part of the fun of the episode is spotting them all. But since Bleeding Cool was kind enough to post this fantastic image (and you don’t get to see it too closely in the actual episode) of an alternate world DC comic cover by Ivan Reis, we had to draw your attention to it (after all, you only get the merest glimpse of it in the show). Red seems to be an important colour in Fringe’s alternate universe, so much so the show’s opening titles get a makeover for the second time this season, complete with a crimson colour scheme and a few new buzzwords.

MOST EASILY IDENTIFIABLE PIG OF THE WEEK

Okay, so in Medium Allison dreams of a pig. A pig that’ll become important later in the plot. But pigs (at the risk of sounding speciesist) – they all look alike, don’t they? So how do you make sure the pig is easily recognisable as the same pig? Easy. Make sure it’s the only one that’s been been playing with the joke telescope that’s had boot polish spread all over the eyepiece.

TIME LORD SLAP-UP MEAL OF THE WEEK
You might have missed it, but this week saw the Doctor back on children’s television – although it wasn’t in The Sarah Jane Adventures this time. Matt Smith and Karen Gillan showed up on Junior Masterchef, and we loved every minute!
The cute junior version of the BBC’s flagship cookery competition (at SFX Catherine and Russell are HUGE Masterchef fans) saw the four semi-finalists head to Cardiff (in the TARDIS, natch) where they cooked four different dishes for the Doctor and Amy. (Looked like a shoot last winter – a special no-prize to whoever can deduce what episode they were shooting.)

The menu read like this:

For Matt (although they both shared each other’s grub):

  • Medium-rare fillet steak with potato wedges with bernaise sauce and a side salad
  • Treacle sponge with custard

For Karen:

  • Oriental crispy duck pancakes with a plum sauce
  • Banoffi pie

Matt’s reaction? “Really lovely meal… Hats off to it… If I was wearing a hat, I’d tip it.” Karen was similarly effusive. The kids were all very sweet and it was all rather lovely. If we said, “Aaaah!” once we said it a hundred times. After a lunch like that, though, we hope Matt and Karen didn’t have too many corridors to run down that afternoon. Watch it at http://tinyurl.com/sfxmasterchef.


RUBBISH CHILDCARE OF THE WEEK
Goes to the Doctor, for the bit in “The Hungry Earth” where he blithely lets little Elliot wander off to “get his headphones”, knowing full well that a bunch of Silurian warriors will be turning up any second. He may be good at saving the universe, but don’t let him babysit your kids, eh?

PEACEMAKING TACTIC OF THE WEEK
Speaking of Silurians, how do you solve a problem like Alaya? SFX reader Mischa Welsh sent us one suggestion as to how the Doctor could win over the ape-hating Silurian warrior, in Photoshop form.

ZOMBIE-BASED ADVERTISING OF THE WEEK
Virgin Trains’ rather cute new campaign equates travelling by car with being turned into a zombie. Which is a bit rich, considering how horrifying their ticket prices are. Click here to see the others.

LATERAL-THINKING MERCHANDISE OF THE WEEK
Okay, so we’ve had all manner of things shaped like a sonic screwdriver – sonic screwdriver pens, sonic screwdriver torches, sonic screwdriver sex aids (okay, so that one never made it past the brainstorming stage). But how about a screwdriver shaped like a sonic screwdriver?