FILM REVIEW A Nightmare On Elm Street

Freddy Krueger returns in the new remake of the ’80s horror classic

18 * 95 mins *  7 May
Distributor: Warner
Director: Samuel Bayer
Cast: Jackie Earle Haley, Kyle Gallner, Rooney Mara, Katie Cassidy, Thomas Dekker, Clancy Brown

Knives out. After 26 years, six sequels and countless spin-offs, Freddy Krueger’s back to lead more sheep to the slaughter in the land of nod. But the most nightmarish thing about this particular jaunt down Elm Street is the realisation that ol’ pizza face’s once razor-sharp blades are now duller than safety scissors.

Unadventurous, devoid of personality and completely lacking any semblance of imagination, Samuel Bayer’s new Nightmare is a textbook exercise straight out of generic horror remakes 101. It slavishly follows Craven’s masterful original, with four insomniac teens terrorised and hacked to bits in a series of bloodthirsty set-pieces, yet Bayer still manages to cock up even the iconic moments. For example, the original’s bravura death by levitation is now an absurd mess of dodgy wire-work and beastly sound effects.

There isn’t one memorable kill in the whole 95 minutes. The slick music video aesthetic irritates, deriving 100% of its jump scares from LOUD NOISES. And they may as well not have bothered using the unforgettable Nightmare theme for the amount of airtime it gets here. The main problem, however, is the concept of micro naps. After 72 hours our young heroes are in a constant dream state, meaning Freddy can appear at any moment. And he does, in every scene, eliminating any shock his sudden appearance may have provoked.

The film’s one saving grace is Jackie Earle Haley. His performance may not, like Heath Ledger’s Joker, be the reimagining we never knew we needed, but he’s a very different beast to Englund’s playful dream stalker. Angrier, less overtly comedic and with a pared-down brutality, he’s a far more intimidating Freddy, but also a wee bit boring. And it’s a shame the writers don’t stick to their guns – by the end Freddy’s spouting (slightly rubbish) one-liners like the good old days, somewhat spoiling the effect.

Films about eye-catching teens getting slashed to pieces in their dreams shouldn’t send you to sleep. Still, at least after this particular Nightmare you’ll get a good night’s rest. Jordan Farley