10 Superhero Movies That Must Not Happen
Hollywood is running out of decent superheroes to give the big screen makeover. You can tell that when they start thinking that a Thor movie is a good idea. Let’s just hope that producers don’t become desperate enough to ever makes films of the following bunch of calamitous costume crime fighters… all of whom have genuinely appeared in professional comic books:
First appearance: Uncanny X-Men #130, 1980
Alter ego: Alison Blair
Ability: To turn sound into light (later, when writers realised this power was a bit crap, she could concentrate the light into a laser-like beam)
Assessment: Dazzler was a product of the disco age, and has been known to roller-skate into action wearing a silver lamé. Was actually created when Casablanca Records commissioned Marvel to create a singing superhero, which they could then market as an “artiste”. The experiment failed by Dazzler lived on and discovered rock (a far more comic-book fan-friendly musical).
Nightmare big-screen scenario: Miley Cyrus stars in Baz Luhrmann’s musical superhero flick Disco Dazzler, featuring cover versions of the Bee Gees back catalogue. Dazzler must save a the world from E-Male, a supervillain who threatens to bring down the internet and end civilisation as we know it. The finale features Dazzler and E-Male in a karaoke showdown of “Got To Get A Message To You”.
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